Metal Doll and Angel
by Black Jackal
Summary: A conversation between KOSMOS and Mary. Takes place after episode 3 but slight changes. Were does KOSMOS start and were does Mary start?
1. Chapter 1: Dream

**This takes place after episode 3, but KOS-MOS is not floating in space, chaos did not disappear to god knows were (literally) and Shion has not taken off with the Elsa to find lost Jerusalem.**

Angel and Metal Doll

KOS-MOS lay within her capsule. Ever the one to need to get repaired. However, this time is different. She was dreaming. She was in a town. She could see chaos with a woman who looked very identical to her own body. "That was so long ago." Another KOS-MOS appeared, only with blue eyes. "Yeshua and I thought days like this would last forever…"

"Please clarify the situation. Logs state that I was last put in my repair capsule. Were is this location and identify yourself." KOS-MOS stated in her usual manner to the amusement of the doppelganger.

"This is a dream, as well as one of my memories. I am Mary Magdalene." The doppelganger stated.

"Please define what a dream is." KOS-MOS demanded.

"A dream is…an assortment of images that has to do with what one sees. This is one of my memories, since we are linked, you can see it." Mary responded

KOS-MOS processed the new info. She stared at Mary. Often her presence would enter her mind and she would blank out. This presence was an x-factor. It would take over her body like a virus and eave just as suddenly. KOS-MOS has records of these events. She didn't like them. The presence of something so human and ethereal, made her feel so mechanical. Like a metal doll. It made her feel even less human which is what Shion had been trying to do. Make her feel human. "Is having a dream…human-like?" KOS-MOS asked.

"Yes it is." Mary answered with her perpetual smile that made KOS-MOS feel more mechanical.

"So why don't I dream about things I have recorded? Why do I dream about your experiences now?" KOS-MOS asked with a hint of emotion.

"I don't know?" Mary answered. "Are you worried KOS-MOS?"

"Shion…want's me to learn to be human. There are no longer any Gnosis. I am an anti-gnosis weapon." KOS-MOS replied. "Shion wants me to be like humans so that I may find a new way threw this world. But whenever I act like a human…I feel you. Does that mean there is no human for me to be? Is my identity as more then a weapon you?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you." Mary said.

"My identity as more then a weapon…I wont let it be anything but me…" KOS-MOS woke up.

"How are you today KOS-MOS?" Shion asked.

"I am…feeling good Shion." KOS-MOS replied.

**That was interesting. Please Review. **


	2. Chapter 2: Life

**It seems that I have added a new chapter to this short story about KOS-MOS, humanity, and identity. ROLL TAPE!!!**

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 2

KOS-MOS had taken the day to study being human in second Miltia. She had undergone another transformation. Now most of her exterior hardware like her visor and Magdalene 12 holder had been stripped off. Now she looked like a regular human wearing regular cloths…no, she felt she looked more like Mary. The only difference was her lumanes skin compared to Maries tanned skin and her aqua blue hair.

Shion was busy at the time, she was planning hers and Allen's wedding. KOS-MOS wondered how she felt about Allen. He is a talented scientist who could help improver her capabilities…but what is there to improve in this time of peace. He did have guts, as humans referred to courage that way, in times of need. All in all, it would just mean that he would be living under the same roof as she and Shion and would help provide for the slowly building bills as Shion had as much luck with holding a job as her brother.

What is there to do? The battle android thought to herself. _Flowers, lots and lots of flowers. _One of Marie's thoughts. What would she rather do? Battle Gnosis? No Gnosis, and the whole point of this trip is to establish identity beyond a mere weapon. Yet she couldn't help herself in the need to something. Perhaps she could try getting a job.

KOS-MOS learned jobs are difficult. Her own capabilities were just too much that sometimes it was just plain annoying. KOS-MOS tried dish washing. It required constant calibration just to clean one dish. At the least she had learned to be annoyed. Filing was to simple a job due to her excellent memory. She could not cook, and she didn't even know why. _It's okay, you did better then I ever could._ That explained it. All and all, she learned that most jobs were just too little for the android.

KOS-MOS tried hanging at a coalition of distribution and trade departments, or mall. They all seemed to be shopping. Most seemed to be shopping for cloths. She decided to try this. The store she chose had a section for males and a section for females. Her chassis most resembled a female so she started there. _This shirt looks nice._ KOS-MOS moved on from there. She found the shirt to flashy and conspicuous. In the end, she had bought a white shirt that matched her white dress since humans liked to mach.

The sun was setting. KOS-MOS looked at the sunset. It didn't look all that great to her, just a lot of orange. She returned home.

**Short ya, but who knows if their will be another chapter. If you want one review.**


	3. Chapter 3: Love

**Hello all. A review from AznAnime gave me a nice idea for this chapter. Read and review or I'll infect you with U-DO.**

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 3

She lay in her pod in the quiet house. Shion was out with all the others to plan her wedding, though she wanted to stay behind. A marriage is an oath between two people that until the year 2010 could only be officially done between two people of opposite sexes. It is a declaration of love, but what did love mean to her? It was an emotion that like so many other ones, she couldn't really comprehend. _Love is the joy that two people share with one another._ Mary again. Mary is, or at least use to be human. She was far beyond KOS-MOS's comprehension. If she was to figure out love she might as well study it. She decided to catch up with the rest of the group who wear most likely looking for a cathedral.

They were indeed there. Everyone asked why she changed her mind. "I am simply re-searching." She stated in her robotic manner.

She started with Jr. and Momo. They indeed showed the characteristics for love, or puppy love as it's called since they are younger, however they are older then their appearances as Momo had lived in a pod for a few years and Jr. is a URTV. "Don't you love these curtains?" Momo had asked Jr. who was making shooting motions with his hands which usually showed he was bored. "Jr. are you listening?" Momo asked, slightly agitated but hidden behind a smile. _Just like an old married couple._ Marie's metaphors.

KOS-MOS tried Ziggy and Juli. However it seemed much more like great admiration for one another. Perhaps it was because Ziggy would die soon due to his refusal to undergo life extending. The doctor said he had a year or so, however Ziggy said that he has lived a long full life and that he had no regrets. Everyone else admired his courage towards death. "Do you think that this place is bland?" Juli asked looking at all the white. "Nothing a few decorations can't fix." Ziggy replied. They were close, but not intimate enough for further study.

Next up was the couple themselves. KOS-MOS knew a lot about Shion and Allen to fill a few gigabytes. How love came to them was too indefinable. Was not love an attraction between people of similar interests, yet these two were opposites in every sense. There love just didn't make sense to her. "What are you doing, KOS-MOS." It was chaos. _Yeshua…_

"Re-searching…love." KOS-MOS felt embarrassed to be admitting it. Also realizing embarrassment. Having to learn something that to humans was so natural. "I can't comprehend it."

"Well KOS-MOS, neither can humans, at least not until they first fell love." He replied. _My Yeshua, you haven't changed…_

"I see. Have you ever loved?" She couldn't help but ask.

"Well, yes. A long time ago. She had a bit of a problem with her current job at the time so I helped her out. And then we just felt for one another."

"I see…" The boy in the dream with Mary, it really was chaos. _Yeshua…_Mary couldn't think of anyone else.

**An intresting chapter that I hope to expand on, but in the mean time it's past twelve and I need to SLEEP. Review or I'll infect you with UUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOO……………**


	4. Chapter 4: Death

**A tribute to are dear Jin Uzuki and everyone else that died in this great game. May they rest in peace.**

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 4

The wedding is in one month. However, today all of us are at a cemetery. Shion sit's in front of the grave. Holding her hands together. _She is praying. _Praying? A form of asking higher dimensional beings, usually gods, for something. Why? _Jin is dead…_Jin, combat specialist. His technique was out-dated, but effective. He did indeed die in the final encounter. But, what does it mean to die? _He's gone._ Gone. Shion, she doesn't move. She is still breathing. She is not dead. I do not comprehend death.

"I think, that this is enough. Jin would have haunted me if I didn't pay his grave a visit." Everyone laughed. Isn't death suppose to be a solemn time. _She's hiding her pain._ Pain, another thing I can't feel. I cannot comprehend some of the illogical emotions of these beings. If they could choose to ignore the pain, why don't they? From what I can tell, pain is disconcerting. _But pain is human. Illogic is human. Human is imperfect that way. _I do not comprehend.

Jr. Stood in front of his brother's grave. I suppose, even though he is a weapon, he is a human weapon. I am a mechanical one. Nigredo did stopping the Dmitri and Omega res novae. Again I can't feel for the sorrow humans feel. I can't feel for these tears that everyone else sheds. I am as empty as at the last grave. As empty as I have always been. No, I feel the annoyance for some of these emotions. I feel the incompetence not to feel them. She can feel them all, but I can't. "We'll meet some day Nigredo. You, me, and Albedo will be able to play again." Jr. weeps, just as much as I can't.

We visited other graves. There was Pelegri's and Margulis's grave, choosing to remember them as the people under Shion's Grandfather's dojo. Virgil and Kevin who died for the ones they loved. Joachime and Sakura as Momo's and Julia's family. And we left.

Even now I cant feel for this. Why cant I. What am I missing. "Shion?"

"Yes KOS-MOS?"

"Why can't I feel sad for all these people?" She was silent.

"KOS-MOS, we will never see them again, hear them again, laugh with them again, enjoy good times with them again. They are gone forever. For the average human, forever is eternal. But for you KOS-MOS, you might just get to see it…" Eternal. Forever. They will all disappear forever. Albedo went mad this way. Unable to bare the thought of being alone. I feel that way now. Shion, Allen, Momo, Jr., Ziggy, chaos, everyone. They will die. Gone forever. Left to turn to dust, while I am alone. A weapon, without emotions, without friends, without anyone. They will die. Left in deaths cold grasp. I can feel pain, it's unbearable. I just want to break down, and keep them all close.

**Wow, KOS-MOS is starting to feel emotions. It's a shame that the only thing she felt so far is sad ones. Well, the next chapter is gonna have a surprise character. To any of you xeno-fanatics that think your hot stuff and that you know anything. I will give you a hint. Perfect State. Until then, Review please.**


	5. Chapter 5: Nightmare

**Here we are with chapter 5 of the metal doll and angel with shion's wedding as a back story of sorts. Well, let us begin.**

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 5

I feel more human, but I don't like it so far. All I have felt are emotions that make me feel like shutting myself down. The revelation of death has been especially hard on me. I remember the time when I killed Virgil to save Shion, back then it felt logical, now I feel horrible. Though, he in the end died with Febronia who he loved, so he is happy. Right? Right! I don't even comprehend love…

I have decided to try doing human like things to try to feel more human. Sleeping on a bed is an example. My battery can go for a week as long as I do my low-powered nights, or sleeping. I cant eat, and I can only re-charge at my pod, so that is one of the things I can't do. Hygiene has been interesting. Brushing my teeth has been very annoying. Bathing does allow me to clean myself rather then rely on Shion. The others have noticed my odd behavior. One wouldn't expect a gun to comb it's hair after all…

Every time I dream, it's always Mary's memories. Never mine, but I guess my memory banks only have fighting. Mary's show different memories. Most have her talking with chaos. Note: Must identify chaos's age. Some have her with some guy who gives her money, however Mary herself wouldn't allow me to view the rest of these scenes.

I have put myself in my low-powered state. I have a new dream. One that doesn't involve Mary. I see Shion and the others. I approach them, but they are statues. "Is poor KOS-MOS scared of being left behind?" A voice. The voice is sadistic and menacing. I know this voice. T-ELOS. "Oh KOS-MOS, cant enjoy yourself unless you are blasting some Gnosis or destroying some property?" She approached behind the statues. She looked exactly the same, I look like some blue haired Mary look-a-like in a night gown. "Ha KOS-MOS, seems that you got an upgrade, traded in some weapons to look human did you?" She destroyed the Ziggy statue. "Rather be a weapon." The Jr. statue. "A puppet of destruction." The Momo statue. "Or would you rather wither away and die." The chaos statue. "Like just another human." The Julia statue. "Oh KOS-MOS, has everyone left you, I can see why. You cant feel now can you. You can only absorb dust." The Shion and Allen statue. "Oh my, out of friends are we?"

"SHUT UP!" I cant take this.

"Stop me then. You cant though without your weapons now can you." A sadistic smile on her lips.

"ACTIVATE X-BUSTER!" She stares, still smiling. "Some weapons can't be taken out." She laughed. She laughed.

"A weapon (laughing) a weapon (laughing). Your still just a weapon. They can take away the guns, the missiles, the R-BLADE and just about everything they can, but look at you. You're a weapon flaunting your bullets in front of me, shooting me, like a gun. A walking gun that thinks it can be human (laughing). It's so magnificently pathetic!"

"SHUT UP!" I fired. It leveled just about everything. The wide ark just eradicated everything. In the end, there was no T-ELOS. But, I could still hear her laugh. The whole gown had been blown away by the blast. I was bear, and the wind blew, and I could feel it. It's so cold.

"Just a weapon, a weapon that can only destroy."

_KOS-MOS…_

**OMG, did I write this? I nearly cried writing this…oh KOS-MOS, I never expected for this fanfic to get this far really, Just a couple chapters and done, but here are on chapter five and I cant imagine stopping anytime soon. Please review. Oh, and for people who don't understand my hint at the end of the last chapter, T-ELOS means perfect state of infinite energy in some language, you can look it up in the Xeno-bible of episode 3.**


	6. Chapter 6: Sorrow

**WOW, two reviews from one chapter, that doesn't happen often. Thank you ****Giseisha and AznAnimechick for reviewing. **

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 6

The nightmare as it's called with T-ELOS had shaken me. I hear her laugh sometimes. Mocking me in my attempts to be human. It's strange, I, no Mary, absorbed her. She, like me, was usurped of humanity yet given the ability to feel it. Mary…we are both Mary. Now, she is a part of me, with a will that won't leave. Would she even be absorbed into the UMN, or would she just disappear, like I would. I still can only feel those emotions that pain me, never to feel the delights of laughing and crying with the others.

"KOS-MOS you don't look well." We are out once again looking for whatever is needed for the wedding, and it seems that MOMO is worrying about me. "You look tired."

"How can you tell, she shows less emotions then the puppy named cyborg." Ziggy hit Jr. Do I really lack emotion even after all this time? I can hear T-ELOS laughing again.

"Don't be so mean Rubedo."

"Hey, you know how I don't like people using that name. I'm Gaignun Kukai Jr. now." Rubedo, the name given to Jr. the weapon, Jr. the URTV. Me, I am KOS-MOS, the name of a weapon…

We have now split up into two groups. The men went to get a tuxedo for Allen while the women went to get a wedding dress for Shion. I went with the women, but it makes me feel more mechanical. I lack gender, my frame was modeled after a Mary, a woman, I am still mechanical. Lacking gender, cells, anything organic. Even realians have synthetic organs and gender, but I am just metal wiring. I can hear T-ELOS laughing. "How does this look?" Shion had stepped out of the changing room. Shelly and MOMO commented on how good she looked while Julia and Mary nodded in approval. "What do you think KOS-MOS?"

"I am not the appropriate source to ask on this topic." Everyone laughed as if I made a joke.

"My KOS-MOS, with every attempt your making to be human I thought you would jump at the chance to give me your opinion." Human…I think my despair on the topic showed as everyone looked at me as if I was a wounded child. T-ELOS is laughing. She's laughing at my every try, my every failure. The ringing in my ears. "KOS-MOS, are you okay?"

"I don't think so…" I felt like breaking down. I have been suffering, ever since I started this venture I have been suffering. I feel loneliness, sorrow, self-pity, anger. I can only glimpse at how all the others enjoy their humanity. I can't even hear Mary's voice anymore, the only real humanity I'll ever have has left me. I am a weapon…only as a weapon, can I at least not feel pain. "I feel…like everything is hopeless."

**Another epic chapter. Poor KOS-MOS, haunted by Mary and now T-ELOS. Please Review.**


	7. Chapter 7: Happy

**That's right, another chapter right away. Think of it as a one hour special on TV, only its like ten minutes long.**

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 7

The wedding is today. Everyone has been avoiding talking to me. I tried going back to the emotionless weapon I once was, but I can't forget, can't stop feeling these horrible emotions. Now, I feel like they are everywhere. Scars that won't heal. Everyone is so exited about it. Soon Shion and Allen will be joined together in holy matrimony.

The ceremony is going to be old fashioned, so their will be a sermon of sorts and I will be sitting on this bench for a while. Everyone that we know is hear. All happy, but me who has yet to experience happiness. Happiness…it's when you feel good, everyone is happy enjoying each other. So, why can't I enjoy everyone? _Are you sad, KOS-MOS? _Yes. _Why are you sad?_ Because I don't feel human._ How do you not feel human? _I am just metal. Just a bunch of circuits. I have no soul. I am a metal doll. _You are KOS-MOS. Are you not KOS-MOS?_ Yes I am, and that is the problem. KOS-MOS is a weapon. _Then don't be KOS-MOS the weapon._ But then I am just the vessel of Mary. _Then don't be KOS-MOS the vessel. _Then what am I? _KOS-MOS the KOS-MOS_…KOS-MOS the KOS-MOS…how simple. So simple…it's funny. It's funny. _What is?_ I have been trying to not be Mary, not trying to be anyone but me. But, I never took the time to define me as more then just a weapon. I have just been trying to copy everyone, trying to imitate their emotions. But, I never took the time to figure out who is KOS-MOS. _So who is KOS-MOS? _I am. I am KOS-MOS, and that makes me happy. Thank you, but who are you? _Forget about my name, define your own. _I will.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride." Oh, I forgot that this is a wedding. Allen looks about to faint. Paralyzed by who knows what. Shion looked at him with annoyance and kissed him instead. Everyone laughed, I laughed…I'm laughing.

The after wedding was loud. Everyone was dancing. "Do you wish to dance KOS-MOS?" chaos?

"First tell me how old you are." I replied.

"Heh, perhaps another time." I thought he would answer that way.

"One dance, and that's it." I said playing with the very old boy. I am dancing. With my friends. No one, not T-ELOS, not Mary, not anyone can take that away.

**Kinda short, but KOS-MOS is happy!!!!!! That's worth another thousand !s. Well please review! Oh, and for people wondering who the voice was, I'll give you a hint, it starts with a Je and end with a sus. **


	8. Chapter 8: Life

**Hey, another chapter so soon! That's right! Now, action!**

Metal Doll and Angel

Chapter 8

It's been one week since the wedding. I am working at the new Vector industry and am learning more about the world. I work in the department with MOMO to build a new system now that we can't use the UMN. Many were a bit shocked at the idea of an android made by the company to destroy Gnosis now is a scientist, but I guess like mother like daughter, well something along those lines. I ascended to chief rank quite fast and now Togashi and Miyuki are my co-workers.

"KOS-MOS, can you look at these calculations?"

"They are off Miyuki, you really need to go over the fundamentals."

"Same old same old…"

"Shut it Togashi!"

If I am thankful of one thing it's that I don't get headaches. Who knows how much aspirin Shion and Allen have consumed during their reign of the position as chief. Well, I am happy. I am content. I am me at last.

**Short chapter huh, but this is the end…or is it? Review please!**


	9. Chapter 9: OVA

**Another chapter? That's right. IT'S AN OVA!!! Heh, the heat has been getting to me. **

Metal Doll and Angel

OVA?!

10 Years Later

A new system has been established. The MOMO network. It's just as effective as UMN is certain aspects like communication, however warping takes a bit longer, still, its faster then conventional means. I am going to Second Miltia to meet up with Shion and Allen as well as my…brother and Sisters…Not literally, but they call me their big metal sister. I arrive at the station. "KOSY-MOSY!" I am not fond of Cecily's nick name for me, though I guess she is only 7. Kathie, her twin is a bit more meek and wouldn't refer to me so…loudly. "KOSY-MOSY! How are you?"

"Thankful I lack ear-drums…How are you Cecily?" I was over-whelmed by a speech of the previous week. I could see Shion and Allen in the back. Allen held my little brother so to speak.

"KOS-MOS. I take it you had a safe flight?" Shion asked.

"Yes. The MOMO-network has been functioning perfectly and it's still only technically in the beta phase. So what his name?" I pointed to the baby.

"Abel." Shion and Allen aren't very original with names, though I guess having those names is an honor.

"Well then, shall we get going? I could use a bath." We all laughed and went off.

**Another short chapter, but this was just a little extra fun. However this IS the end. At least of this series. Maybe I'll start another series for xenosaga. Who knows. Just PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. I want to know what you all think of this as a whole.**


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